There is a lot of physical labor involved in child-rearing. Much more than I ever anticipated. Though I exercise for sanity’s sake, having kids is kind of the best workout there is (given it’s not optional). Sometimes it’s pretty brutal, and or weird/gross, but one of the perks of having kids is that they keep us moving. Whether we like it…or not.
Here are a few examples of “workouts” only moms know about.
1. Playing horsey, aka, crawling across hardwood floors listening to your knees crackle and gasping for air. I gave this one up a few months ago (since I’m 7 months pregnant) but it totally sucks and is the equivalent of any solid 30 minute sweat-sesh.
2. The toddler drag. Or, as I like to call it “lazy legs”. You’re walking through a store and your kids legs go limp. They’re tired of walking. They start to pull on your arm but you march on. The screaming and yelling and protesting kicks in but you must prevail! This one gets my heart rate jacked every time. Everyone is looking, you’re definitely sweating up a storm and you eventually end up pleading for mercy. Crossfit has nothing on this shit.
3. Coming in from the car. You have no less than 20 bags of groceries in your arms when your kid throws her school bag at you. The contents spill all over the sidewalk. “Pick it up!” you holler, but she’s already jumping in a pile of leaves and shit is blowing down the street. You notice the neighbor opening his front door and you start to speed walk knowing he will chat your ear off totally oblivious to the fact that you’re about to pass out or puke from exhaustion.
4. The morning routine. You kid comes in for “snuggles” which somehow turns into you fighting for your life through blankets and sheets. Pillows are coming at you, there’s legs flying about. You’ve learned to protect your nose and crotch because this morning routine is really quite terrifying. Pretending your asleep only makes it worse so after being stepped on, punched and headbutted 47 times, you get out of bed. The only good part of this is if you’re mad at your husband you can say “Daddy wants snuggles!” and you won’t be mad anymore. You’ll just feel really bad for him.
5. Baby squats. No, I don’t mean a miniature version of a squat. I mean squatting (or really doing anything remotely tiring) while holding a baby. The bigger they get, the more intense this exercise is. Once they are toddlers you realize you should probably try out for some extreme sport because you’ve become a monster, aka, strong as crap.
Can you add anything to the list? What other “mom” workouts do you do?